The Bimpire

we've moved

2010-10-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

come see us over at "the return of the bimpire."

bye, now!

baby bimpire comes of age

2010-09-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

post #334: we've reached our photo storage limit! no more pictures on this blog. but, after the apple sale is over, i'll put some attention into starting up a new one. any name suggestions? i was thinking about the kristasphere, but it will more than likely be more along the lines of bimpire the second, an homage to the person who makes this bimmity life possible.

oh, did i mention the apple sale is still going FOR ONE MORE DAY? i'd like to send an informal thanks to all our kind contributors! and i'd like to send you a little something, too. watch your mail in the coming days.

ONE MORE DAY! WE COULD MAKE IT! a reminder to those who live far away: you don't have to buy apples. a small donation in any amount is gratefully received! the fundraiser helps keep tuition lower so more kids can attend.

xo,
krista

that's how it dooz

2010-09-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

Little and i officially have an inside joke. i would tell you about it, but then it would be outside.

our first day back to preschool was pretty smooth and almost completely lovely, if you don't count the hours before and after. it started sometime during what they call the wee hours (as if that makes them cuter) when a third person squeezed into our bed too excited to sleep the night before school. i suppose that is pretty cute. i tried to ignore the wisdom that poor quality sleep can lead to poor quality parenting, which could have given me an excuse to be as crazy on the outside as i felt on the inside. let the record show: i was excellent all day. Little HAS SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM ME.

she was truly sweet and playful with Liv today and i want to remember those hugs and giggles and lolling around. so skip ahead through hours of verbal abuse and accusations (hers to me) until at last she climbed onto my bed, curled up next to me, and slept for the next three hours. at moments like that you don't let yourself think ahead to what challenges will arise at bedtime after a child has slept all afternoon--and into the evening. at least i don't. i would have cried with relief if only i hadn't been so exhausted.

later i was taken completely by surprise when Little went to wash her hands at our bathroom sink without her step stool and barely had to get on tippy toes. she is that tall.

mom, i told you to not say that to me!
mom, don't close your eyes! DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES!
moooooooooooooooooooom! NO! i told you i don't WANNA [eat...rest...play...talk to you...act like a reasonable human being]
i told you i wanna WATCH! *sniffle* a watch will make me happy.

it was a day full of excitement, wonder, anger, thrills, worry, a little bit of TV, laughter and time spent side by side, and eye to eye. a day i earned.

Little's wind chime

2010-09-12T21:32:00.000-07:00

this project was inspired, i think, by blues clues. all i know for sure is that it had to be done right away before someone's head exploded. {and visited often.}

chronicles of the dress-up wardrobe

2010-09-12T21:22:00.001-07:00

the bee family eats honey cake

daddy-daughter campout

2010-09-12T21:07:00.000-07:00

can't even tell {?} Little was throwing up just hours before this trip. she couldn't STAND the thought of missing it and wouldn't entertain any such notion. all's well that ends well. i am informed that these pictures were taken after drinking an astonishing amount of orange juice.

before the big one

2010-09-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

my computer is due for a monumental crash. it's given me plenty of warning signs and still i eke out what minutes i can between regular stalls & fits. this is the best i can do for now.

there. that wasn't so hard.

i think i'll try another.

sundee afternoon

2010-08-29T22:25:00.001-07:00

ga. i love chubby knees in short dresses. this little number, from my favorite new thrift haunt, American Vintage, was begging to be shot in black & white.

we also did have color today.

:: Little today, during a conversation: "wow. mom. this is turning into a long talk."

:: Wee today, while dropping chocolate chips into warm vanilla pudding: "milk, pees."

we capture the canyon

2010-08-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

celebrated tracker, Famous Shoes, being busy {also fictional and, dead} we hired the young but scrappy, Sleeps On Her Face, to guide us to the waterfall on Saturday.

ps - does anyone know how to make the pictures clickable/enlargable? i thought it depended on the browser i composed in but apparently it's not that. advice appreciated.

in her studio

2010-08-27T17:00:00.001-07:00

in which she is old enough to dress herself

2010-08-27T16:54:00.001-07:00

"mom, do you want to drive my eyelashes?"

2010-08-14T20:44:00.000-07:00

:: come here. you should use my eyelashes so your eyes don't get cracked.

:: i'm so hungry! hurry, i'm starting to get little!

:: oh, i found a fairy toe under my bottom. [pulls half a cheerio from her car seat.] it's a fairy's head but it's broken.

:: mom, i just want to have the world. i won't break it.

:: i can't work under these connictions!

all of this was just in the last hour. at least she used small enough sound bites for me to remember--usually the crazy manifests as a stream of inchoate exclamations and explanations. i do, completely, love it.

chaco canyon

2010-08-13T05:26:00.000-07:00

a couple of hours northwest of albuquerque, at the end or the beginning of a rough dirt road, is this.

girls just wanna have fun, eat cake and not take pictures

2010-08-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

walker, texas ranger

2010-08-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

guess who decided to join the brave new world of the two-legged, at just 18 months old? this one:

double-digits Gracie:

the San Antonio riverwalk:

ally's ho-tel

Roswell, New Mexico

justin & grace standing on the corner in Winslow, Arizona:

the rememberists

2010-08-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

if you can believe it, i left these lovelies for four days.

and every 10 minutes of the four-day 20-hour road trip i took with my siblings and their older kids, i exhaled a breath of relief that my girls were happily playing at home with their dad, and cousins cade and sage, instead of writhing angrily in their car seats. they would not have loved the road. but i did.

readying the welcome banner for our incoming visitors:

watching the PJ & Gracie show:

cooling off on Washington Street:

high at Deb's Park:

cool tricks in the garage:

saturday with dad

2010-07-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

i really like this guy's face:

helping put together Little's new "bonk bed."

2010-07-20T21:11:00.000-07:00

today

2010-07-20T20:18:00.001-07:00

"Today i have finished a work outlasting bronze

And the pyramids of ancient royal kings..."

{for the record, Little started it.}

"The North Wind raging cannot scatter it
Nor can the rain obliterate this work,
Nor can the years, nor can the ages passing.
Some part of me will live and not be given..."

{horace, from the third book of Odes}

quatro

2010-07-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

Psalm

by Wisława Szymborska

How leaky are the borders of man-made states!

How many clouds float over them scot-free,

how much desert sand sifts from country to country,

how many mountain pebbles roll onto foreign turf
in provocative leaps!

Need I cite each and every bird as it flies,

or alights, as now, on the lowered gate?
Even if it be a sparrow--its tail is abroad,
though its beak is still home. As if that weren't enough--it keeps fitgeting!

Out of countless insects I will single out the ant,

Who, between the guard's left and right boots,
feels obliged to answer questions of origin and destination.

If only this whole mess could be seen at once in detail

on every continent!

Isn't that a privet on the opposite bank

smuggling its hundred-thousandth leaf across the river?

Who else but the squid, brazenly long-armed,

would violate the sacred territorial waters?

How can we speak of any semblance of order

when we can't rearrange the stars

to know which one shines for whom?

Not to mention the reprehensible spreading of fog!

Or the dusting of the steppe over its entire range

as though it weren't split in two!

Or voices carried over accommodating air waves:

summoning squeals and suggestive gurgles!

Only what's human can be truly alien.

The rest is mixed forest, undermining moles, and wind.

southern utah is gorges

2010-06-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

our trip wasn't all tears and sorrow. it was mostly sun, water, food and laughter.

bim's sister & family stayed in our "richardson motel 6" when they came to Disneyland earlier this year. in exchange, they offered us the taj mahal, in form of a 3-story cabin in Brian Head, Utah. not a fair trade, you will agree. we really got the better end of that stick.

Little made friends with "trek" here. not sure what inspired her to give him that name:

another thing i hadn't given proper consideration: the lack of guard rails at the cliffs' edges, and Little's need to run after being cooped up in the car. {!!!} we didn't stay long.

even so, i'll have to add that nightmare to the others that wake me up at night.

all in all, an excellent time.

lacrimae rerum*

2010-06-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

hey, i have an idea!!!

let's all get in the car and drive, LIKE, 1,000 miles! and then...{!!!}

...we'll all enjoy...

a SCENIC OVERLOOK!

!!!!

oh, *the tears of things.

one wants one's summer days

2010-06-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

i had put my camera down for a while, needing both hands while Bim was out of town. but since he's back, i have loads and loads {and loads} of pictures. blogger is warning me that i'm approaching capacity. take this, sucka!

covered in this display of randomness...

:: swimming lessons

:: trips to huntington gardens with friends & family

:: the backyard daily

:: terrorizing the museum staff

:: father's day goes down in pasadena

Little attracted some attention when she stood in front of this Mary Cassat painting {below left} and yelled, Mom, look! it's a picture of you and me!

"girls, come and look at this caterpillar!"

"my daddy's going to take me to see shamu"

2010-06-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

sometimes, if you speak your wish aloud enough times, it comes true.

we also visited the "beach" at one of the little bays along San Diego's coast.

and now, the beach in trippy sepia tone:

refreshment at the Corvette Diner:

{healthy?} OBSESSION

2010-06-22T12:32:00.001-07:00

what is your current or longstanding obsession? mine is toys. specifically, these toys.

you may have noticed them in some of my pictures. that's because they go everywhere we do. Wee loves toys so much that she shakes and bounces whenever we get a new one.

they never break. they love to get wet, dirty, tossed around. they go in swimming pools, doll houses, cars, boats, bathtubs and pockets. did i mention? they never break. they have no little parts to lose. they inspire endless creative play. they're friendly and peaceable.

we do fight over them sometimes. but really, i endorse, endorse, endorse.

summer solstice: a little bit pagan, a little bit rock'n'roll

2010-06-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

bim introduced us to a Danish solstice tradition: burning witches! yes, it is pretty much as creepy uncomfortable as it sounds. also, kind of fun.

first, lauren and i went on a witch hunt to find a suitable effigy. we found her at our first stop, pink plum antiques.

when the ritual dancing was over and the pyre was smoldering embers, Little asked if we could burn some more witches. i told her to ask her preschool teacher.

not really, but i should have.

curly hair: a good place to hide your crazy

2010-06-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

i can't speak for Little's great-great-grandmother, Pearl, but i know where Little hides her crazy.

when we comb through it, her merciful side shows too: "but don't brush my nice tangles! don't brush my baby tangles, or my liv tangles. don't brush my mommy tangles, my daddy tangles, my grandpa tangles, my lauren tangles, my PJ tangles, and DON'T BRUSH my eric tangles!!!"

mud

2010-06-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

among the pleasures of being three is the privilege of changing identities several times daily: i'm a robot sheep {!}.* a princess {debutante?}. a bricklayer. a zookeeper. a singer, no, a dancer. i own the Internet. i own you.

but at the end of the day, we just never get tired of digging in the backyard.

still fun in black & white.

*should i be worried? nope. i'm the mother ship, baby.

who wants more cheese on their pizza?

2010-06-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

Little and cousin Elyza entertained me for a good half hour chattering and playing show-n-tell via skype. mom, bring me my hat. my brown one.

baby

2010-06-10T09:03:00.001-07:00

memorial day

2010-05-31T19:42:00.000-07:00

We spent the morning at Forest Lawn, imagining that Great-Grandpa Halverson was there with us. Little objected to bringing flowers at first, having "better" ideas of what "Mama's Grandpa" might like.

the picture Little is holding - below - looks blank, but is actually a decent depiction of a green turtle.

our friend, Emily, from Seattle joined us.

Grandpa H. is at the top of my list of people-i-wish-i-had-met. i hope he enjoyed the donuts.

ain't no sunshine when he's gone

2010-05-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

i had a true epiphany the other night just before i fell asleep: how to keep it together when my small people are losing their minds. it was very zen and i almost laughed out loud at how easy.... i really wish i could remember what it was.

it may be to watch this movie over and over again.

or this one. if your littles are anything like mine {completely lacking in discretion, but super lucky to have such awesome options available}, they'll enjoy both.

10

2010-05-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

free will kicks my butt again

2010-05-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

i moved the high chair to the garage today after many failed attempts, over several days, to seat Liv in it. she is against baby things now. i have tried to explain that she looks a little foolish trying to get into and out of a chair by herself, but it's no good.

apparently, what's good enough for Little is good enough for Liv. so noted.

superlative

2010-05-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

the best meditation is this: to watch your child fall asleep. not just any child will do, though it's a fine thing to see any small one off to their dreams and quiet. it's part of our routine these days; first i rock Wee to a twilight sleep--that posture of surrender while still stirring softly--then put her gently on her back and close the door. meanwhile Little thumps around collecting her books, and then it's her turn. she reads to me, i read to her, we talk about our day and make up if we've had {m}any regrettable outbursts. she's so forgiving at this hour, so warm and near and wanting to be so. she makes soft clicking sounds with her lips and tongue as she settles under my arm, then gradually rolls into her own space. she's asleep before i think it's possible.

the best sleep: is in the tent in the backyard. happy mother's day to me.

the best mother's day gift in church: is the sweet, edible kind. way to come through for me, pasadena. almost makes up for the hymn i had to lead last week. again we meet around the board...? really? i'm still reeling from that soprano solo. here's a tip. there aren't as many sopranos out there as there are women who think they're sopranos. but i give the people what they want: a show. of buffoonery.

happy mother's day to you.

& happy 300th post, Bimpire!

what 'not tired' looks like

2010-05-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

i finally got liv to bed about 20 minutes ago. she went from 90mph to 0 in about 5 seconds, proving what i had suspected, but was still relieved to know: that she was in fact overtired, and not ... {imagined scenario} ... metabolizing a coctail of happy pills she found under the computer desk.

the evidence could have gone either way: shadow boxing, balancing the sippy cup in her teeth {look, no hands!}, shout-singing into empty cups, climbing up pillows and sliding back down on her face, laughing at her own jokes.

i think the highlight for me was when she attempted 30 yoga poses in 30 seconds. it was difficult to balance with all the giggling.

i can't decide which i like better. hyper liv or throw-pillow liv {oh, hi! didn't see you there, plumpy}. both versions are good company.

it's just another morning here

2010-05-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

the world is ending. pass it on.

meanwhile, i stare at the babies. if i am looking directly at them when arizona explodes, california breaks apart and falls off of america, and all ocean-dwelling wildlife takes a final, collective, oil-choked breath, i might not notice that i no longer exist.

remember. keep your eyes on the babies.

WANTED: Caption Writer.

2010-04-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

have i ever bragged about the time i won the New Yorker cartoon caption contest? only i didn't get recognized *or paid* because someone else hit ENTER first, with the exact same words. do i classify this in my "intellectual triumphs" file, or my "yet to have an original thought" file? still debating.

i'm hosting a caption contest of my own. enter in comments, if you want to play.

4:
5:

yardwork is my favorite

2010-04-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

you can tell that work is really taking over your life when...

:: spending a saturday morning cleaning up the preschool front lawn with your *whole family* seems like an impossible dream.

:: you see your baby tasting berries and think, oh, well. she can digest.

:: the kids then spend the afternoon watching movies so both parents can sit at their respective computers and type furiously. i'd better get back to that.

new header

2010-04-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

that is the face of a girl whose big sister just took away something that she was really into.

to little sisters everywhere: sorry, gals, it's called a birthright. check it out.

a lot of moments, and a little perspective

2010-04-16T15:03:00.001-07:00

amazing how a little change in the norm can make the ordinary, even tedious, parts of everyday life seem like a little bit of fun.

sometimes it solves a problem, and sometimes it's only the illusion of change. but even then it's good for something...if only the pleasure of novelty.

this is why i rearrange my furniture so often. i'm a believer in new ways of looking at the same view.

i'm also a believer in the joy of fishsticks.

"look, mom, i'm a rainbow!"

as i write this, Little is charging through the house powered by hysterical joy. the reason? she's totally nude and it doesn't look like i'm going to do anything about it. and i'm not.

also, heart is singing, and it's pretty loud. maybe that has something to do with it?

in other news, Lulu Biscuits has started her own blog, and is licensed to drive.

she wishes.

a blur

2010-04-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

the layabout days of spring break are almost over. now what?

who will push the babies in the buggies?!

who will {help!} with the laundry?!

who will find the lost eggs?!

who will bake the bunny cakes?!

the answer: lauren, of course. she does everything around here. during my headachy, stuffed-up snarky days this week she drove my car, washed my dishes, bathed my kids, made my bed and fixed my tea. that, my friends, is she.

modeling not in her future

2010-04-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

maybe one of the reasons i like to look at pictures of Little so much is because they are so hard won. each successful shot represents a small victory.

photographing the easter dresses didn't go very well. i made two for Little because she has outgrown most of her dresses recently {and the spring fabrics in the fashion district were irresistible}. Little doesn't allow me to measure her, or try things on for size as i go, so it's sometimes a guessing game. once she's got something on, it's not coming off again unless it's soaking wet or on fire.

this is the best i could do to document {one of} the finished products:

you can't see the pretty antique lace that i thrifted or tell that the skirt is super twirly. nor can you really see the calico print or the patterned insert. or the ribboned keyhole neckline. you can't see anything, except that i am obviously a very mean person who likes to torture little girls.

liv is much more pliable, at least at this age. i made her some easter egg rattles out of leftover scraps {see mouth below}. i hope to get some better shots of both girls at the gardens next week when we go to see the last of the spring bulb flowers and the lilacs. remember this?

here's another dress i made a couple of months ago and love. the retro fabric called for a retro style. i love a little girl in a short skirt. i hope elyza gets her replica in the mail soon! {meg, i made it a little bigger and longer--Little is obviously outgrowing this one already.}

brought to you by excedrin

2010-04-07T22:33:00.000-07:00

that headache:

the one that wakes up before you do, three days in a row, even though you never really fell asleep;

that hates bright light, but is made out of bright light;

that makes two crying babies sound like two crying babies with malicious intent;

that makes you wonder if that's water running out of the corners of your eyes or brains...

it's over. and i'm awake! and i hijacked Bim's computer just so i could log on and say so.

easter morn

2010-04-04T08:10:00.000-07:00

the girls woke up early, "so very excited!" to see if their main bunny had come in the night. my camera flash is no match for dim morning light, hence the black and white experimentation. more color to come. easter is finally here!

"the easter bunny is so happy to us!"

Little told us the Easter story: Jesus {not to be confused with the unsung messiah, Deejus, who also makes an appearance in Little's stories} got hurt and died. then he got alive again. happy easter, everyone!

attaché

2010-04-02T11:12:00.001-07:00

i am not one to buy a parenting philosophy wholesale, so to speak. as much as i like cheap tricks and one-size-fits-all, these things are best applied to hats, no?

that said, i have spent the last two weeks absorbed by the research and practical advice of a certain neuro-psychologist who specializes in teaching discipline to children.

fascinated like me? you might be if you'd heard her talk about the brain. i thought i would write down a couple of her key points before i forget.

:: the single most important factor in a child's success is secure attachment to the parent(s).

:: secure attachment {confidence in the relationship and onesself} is created by emotional responsiveness.

when a child is reassured emotionally by loved ones, the child thrives. not finding that reassurance, the child feels shame. fascinating, no? validation is a simple enough thing to offer and it turns out to be what we all need & crave, as children and as adults.

of course, even children raised in less than ideal circumstances can succeed. but think of all the baggage we can spare our children if we meet their excitement with enthusiasm, and their despair with comfort.

the message of emotional responsiveness is, i respect your ability to make decisions for yourself. i trust that you can find a way. i know it's hard sometimes. this kind of connection looks like help, not defeat--like the possibility of security in an otherwise confusing and frightening world.

that, and it feels good.

the easter before easter

2010-03-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

to kick off a week of chicks & bunnies, frogs and endless egg hunts,
the girls wore their easter finery to church yesterday for first easter.
no pictures of those yet, but the festivities have officially begun.

some post-equinox spring moments...

equinox, equinox. i just like using that word.

oh. turns out Liv speaks bunny.

saw this straw hat (below) in a thrift store and declared that we would be
observing the easter bonnet tradition this year.

a little mess therapy on the front lawn: little bowls of dry cornmeal and lots of spoons.
feels so good on the fingers...and the toes. and the face.

"we few, we happy few"

2010-03-25T08:52:00.001-07:00

{overheard recently}

"this is the best stick i ever had for my birthday. in fack, it's the only stick i ever had."

"mom, do you fink we can get a new baby? let's get hannah's baby."

"my lauren tells me i want to have candy."

"mommy, mommy, wait, wait, mommy, mom, mom, mom, mom..."

"oops, that was not my burp. that was my toot." {giggle}

"mommy, i'm sorry you made me sad. i told you not to check my fings."

"i fink i have to. but i can't. but i have to."

{current obsessions}

the best computer games ever

"my folding fing" origami

pink fluffy rabbits

anything on the boob tube. anything at all. last week she sat in her little green chair in front of the TV and watched 45 minutes of sir laurence olivier in henry v. she would have watched the whole thing if i hadn't made her go to bed.

look, a boat! look, horses!

doot doo

2010-03-23T15:42:00.000-07:00

in which Liv says "thank you," and is a right smart gal.

Wee is not much bigger today at nearly 14 months than she was at 8 months, which i appreciate. but i tend to notice what she isn't doing more than what she is.

she can't walk, but she can {barely} stand up.

she can't speak very good English, but she can repeat polysyllabic phrases. several people now have told me they could swear she just said, "thank you." i've heard her do this and i can confirm that it is so. sounds like, "doot doo."

she can't jump rope, but she can put away a whole banana in one sitting.

she can't do long division but she can make the signs for "more" and "all done," and very proudly too.

it should also be said that Liv has a promising sense of humor. she's been playing games with us since she could first grunt, and her delight at our mutual understanding is about as enthusiastic as my delight.

a few of Liv/Wee's nicknames:

livers
livermeyer
livermeyer lemontree
livermeyer sugarbeggar
liverlou, or lulu
zuskit {zeus-kit}, derived from Little's pronunciation of the word "music."

beach days are here again

2010-03-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

my happy place

2010-03-18T19:30:00.001-07:00

oh, eaton canyon, filled with my favorite small people. i don't love you much, do i? just more than anything else in this whole world.

dramatic much?

i believe!

2010-03-18T19:21:00.001-07:00

pinewood derby days have come and gone. many prayers were offered, but i am pretty sure the girl still won (right, mia?). good show, men, good show.

i love this shot of PJ (in the back, kissing his car for luck) and his friend, Max.
hey, whatever works.

they came from the sea...

2010-03-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

ten days = not enough days.

my girls were in a magical place where someone pays attention to them every minute. i was in my own heaven, where sweet older children help the little ones into and out of their car seats, feed them and hold them when they're sad about not getting enough candy to fuel a locomotive. oh, but wait. they did get that much candy. they always do.

check out cool cousin grace blowing THEIR MINDS:

not my finest moment

2010-03-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

in case you didn't notice, that's an ice cream cone in each hand.
i'm ready for my mother of the year crown and bouquet now...

oh, well

2010-03-13T12:56:00.001-08:00

i had to make a small change in my blog privacy settings because i've been getting regular unwanted comments from a spammer. now i just have to read comments and approve them before they appear. sorry.

can't find her harmonica

2010-03-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

universe, can you help?

ps: dad. the crew has voted and your songs win for dance-ability.

fresh it up

2010-03-02T09:02:00.000-08:00

i'm there again: all of my favorite music is so loaded with memories that i can't listen without entertaining random and uninvited ghosts. do you know this feeling? i need something new.

can you recommend something? i like all kinds.

thank you. Little is saying, "Enough, Mom. That's enough," which is my cue to get off the computer.

if you can't do something well, do it very, very badly

2010-02-28T19:56:00.001-08:00

in front of many people. almost as if you had no choice.

i may be the most inept chorister you've ever seen. unless you haven't seen me, in which case you will have to imagine.

if you sing in a choir, or go to church, you may have heard that the chorister gives the organist cues, such as: what tempo to play, when to play the down beat, etc. this is not so! the chorister is the organist's puppet!*

*and when i say "puppet," it should be read as a polite word that takes the place of what i actually am to the chorister. again, you have to imagine. (i'll give you a hint. it's a five letter word that rhymes with--which key are we in again?)

our church organist is a truly gifted musician. she therefore has opinions that i do not question. she chooses the hymns. and i completely understand that she chooses obscure hymns not to torture me in front of hundreds, but to stretch our musical range and appreciation of the hymnal canon. and yet.

listen, i know my place. i stand up there and try not to flash anyone despite Liv's best attempts to disrobe me between songs, and i wave my hand back and forth. sometimes i hit on the right rhythm and we all just sail along. sometimes i pretend i had to swat a mosquito or wave to someone in the back, but really i just don't know how to do two things at once: stare at weird things people are doing in the congregation and also lead the hymns.

so i've have adopted a new goal, and that is to entertain. it's very simple. i'm like that weather girl who never studied meteorology, and who makes everybody sort of cock their head to one side and say, hm, does she know she's wearing that?

i am not a soprano, nor really an alto (because you can't really call yourself an alto if the only way you can find the alto note is to stand next to someone who's singing it really loud and then try to blend in, can you?). most of all, i'm not a soloist. basically i'm just a turd up there.

one of the things i like to imagine as i stand there, is what the bishopric is thinking. because if i were them, overhearing my quavering sopralto voice, i would be thinking of that beautiful (not) quaker hymn, 'how can i keep from singing?' and i would think, lady, it's easy. you should try it.

today we sang a hymn whose verses are printed in this order: 1.2.5.3.4. you might wonder why this was so. as do i.

she giveth & she taketh away

2010-02-25T22:21:00.000-08:00

good news about fierce older sisters. they can also be fiercely loving, loyal and kind.

when there's Wee trouble, Little is often the first responder: first to soothe with a kiss or a toy; first to offer consolation by tough love {"shhhhh! the sun's not in your eyes, LIV!"... "MOM! LIV NEEDS YOU, MOM!"}.

Bim and i love her wily ways, her passion and drama at least as much as her more tender qualities. we both think that Little's fighting spirit could serve her well. really, what parent doesn't want her girl to be just as scrappy as possible when she's out there on her own?

i hope she never loses it. never becomes a pleaser. i'm not worried about her being kind because she is, oh, she is. and something tugs at me whenever i hear myself telling her to "be nice." she ought to look at me funny every time i say that. i'm sure i don't know what it means. do you?

"i'll be alice and you be mommy. and liv is the dog."

2010-02-21T19:39:00.000-08:00

"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!"

"All in the golden afternoon
Full leisurely we glide;
For both our oars, with little skill,
By little arms are plied,
While little hands make vain pretense

Our wanderings to guide."

"I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet — it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life!

"I do wonder what can have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales,
I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!

"There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought!
And when I grow up, I'll write one."

"The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! Off—'"

"'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent."

"At last the Dodo said, 'everybody has won, and all must have prizes.'"

"Thus grew the tale of Wonderland:
Thus slowly, one by one,
Its quaint events were hammered out —
And now our tale is done
And home we steer, a merry crew,
Beneath the setting sun."

:: :: ::

(from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll)

harry potty, and other misunderstandings

2010-02-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

my mom taught me that women who know how to use makeup well don't look like they're wearing much, if any. when i was little she wore pale brown nail polish that blended almost perfectly with her skin. i thought it was sooo ugly.

later on she started wearing bright red press-on nails and, when she lost her hair, she built a fantastic collection of sequined hats. i know she would approve of the way we use them now: as dress up clothes for Little and Wee. here they are dressing up as, "Harry Potty."

not sure what this name refers to. she's never seen Harry Potter (though PJ dressed as him for Halloween, so that could be it). yesterday in the car we were listening to "Everybody Wants to be a Cat," from The Aristocats --another movie she has never seen. when i tried to skip the lengthy jazz riff at the end and she cried out, "NO! I WANT HARRY POTTY!"

so. everybody = harry potty? we may never know.

as for the aforementioned "other misunderstandings," i will let Bim tell you. i enjoy their conversations (arguments?) in the morning (from the safety of my bed, where i wallow until breakfast is over) and shake my head. mentally.

some of this stuff truly couldn't be scripted without the help of a preschooler. i love it just so much.

2010-02-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

taking her medicine

2010-02-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

funny how i have a lot of pictures of my girls doing fun things, laughing and smiling. funny because the ratio of laughter to tears is probably somewhere around 50/50, with "50" being the number of times i yell before 10am and "50" being the number of times i am answered with a "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" truthfully, i'd have a lot more pictures of those cry faces {because sometimes they're hilarious}, if it didn't seem so insensitive to reach for the camera instead of the child.

the result is a very imperfect picture of daily life around here. i've been thinking of starting a series of posts entitled, "not our finest moment." i have a philosophy on housekeeping that seems to apply here, and there are only two rules: {1} provide guests with a comfortable atmosphere, if possible, and try always to keep the powder room clean; {2} don't clean up your house so completely that guests think it always looks like that.

number two comes from a personal insecurity; i am not a gifted housekeeper. to pretend that i keep it all together would kill me, and at the very least make my kids figurative {if not literal} orphans. my mom wasn't crazy about houskeeping herself. she liked things clean, but they often weren't. she was creative, funny, and there. she yelled and took naps and {at least once} chased me through the house with a wooden spoon.

i loved almost everything about her. with all my projects, i sometimes feel like i'm trying to make my kids fit into my former life--the single life. i want to be a part of their lives, and when i forget that, we all pay for it.

just some things that have been on my mind.

{what to do when you're sick in bed: play candyland}

{my Little sickie:}

{& her rosy red fever cheeks}

{valentime from dad. it does say "godchild." she picked it out herself.}

{making balentimes}

2010-02-07T17:07:00.001-08:00

"they want to get out!"

-Little
Founder & President,
Children for the Ethical Treatment of Chocolate

the rainy days continue...

much to our fascination & approval.

feeling the love

2010-02-01T21:15:00.000-08:00

the valentine month began perfectly today: with a big pink package on the front porch. and oh, what a "pack" it was.

{from grandma, of course}

there was more than the usual giggling in this house today.

thank you, from all of us.

oprah & liv have a birthday

2010-01-30T08:20:00.000-08:00

these two lovable people shared a birthday yesterday. other than that...not much resemblance.

{hat by lauren}

: : made a mighty wind with the parachute.

: : made birthday cards & valentines

: : introduced liv to pizza

: : let her eat cake

like a red rubber ball

2010-01-28T13:08:00.000-08:00

this post is alternately titled, "WHO CARES?"

this is day 3 of wearing my speedster-nerdo orthopedic inserts. for the past 2 years or more, i would rate my foot pain at a steady 6-8 on a scale of 1-10, where 1= "i'm aware i have ankles" and 10 = "i can't walk." as it grew worse, people started noting the so-called "hitch in my giddy-up" and i realized i've been limping through most of the day.

i finally visited a couple of physical therapists, one of whom visibly shrank back when she saw how far my feet rotate in an apparently unhealthy direction. this is probably the result of ligament damage from various sprains. fast forward through more doctor visits, shoe fittings and orthopedic assessments to:

ZERO PAIN! i just feel like i should say thank you. so, thanks, "Stellar Prosthetics," for your excellent work with foam and cork. and thank you, New Balance, for your wide shank stabilicore running shoes (of which i may have made a bit of fun).

{also happy to report that liv & i have recovered from another stomach virus. getting ready for a bright & healthy february 2010. wishing you the same.}

spotted playing together

2010-01-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

in other news, all my problems are over. this week i picked up a pair of custom-made snazzy nerdo orthopedic shoe inserts to correct the freakishly long and flat arches of my horrifying feet. from now on, if i'm going anywhere, i'll be running...

in still other news, i have chocolate in my fondue pot but nothing to dip. it's a nice problem to have; and nothing my fingers can't solve.

last news of the day: i've made a huge mistake. tried to compile a bird mix without including anything by Fleet Foxes. here's a late addition.

to keep me honest

2010-01-20T22:34:00.000-08:00

poetry is sometimes described as lightning flashes of intuition. who said this first, i can't remember now. if i experience lightning flashes they are often in the form of resolutions or projects.

E.g.,

resolved: cover all doorknobs with purple faux fur.
resolved: send handwritten letters every week.
resolved: conserve water/flush toilet only for a dooce.

of course i don't actually do these things (except for, ahem, that last one). but while blinded by the flash of lightning, the ideas seem not only brilliant but absolutely crazy brilliant and necessary.

Liv's birthday is coming up next week and i've been trying to think of something special i could do for her. she doesn't need any more bunnies, though heaven knows i will keep finding them for her. my idea is to write her a poem; and to write a poem for each of my girls on their birthdays. from now on. i'm writing this one down so i will for sure be accountable. until or unless i delete this post. i know how to do that.

"rain in january"

2010-01-20T17:00:00.000-08:00

I woke before dawn, still
in a body. Water ran
down every window, and rushed
from the eaves.

Beneath the empty feeder
a skunk was prowling for suet
or seed. The lamps flickered off
and then came on again.

Smoke from the chimney
could not rise. It came down
into the yard, and brooded there
on the unlikelihood of reaching

heaven. When my arm slipped
from the arm of the chair
I let it hang beside me, pale,
useless, and strange.

{by jane kenyon}

overheard on NPR

2010-01-16T22:59:00.000-08:00

the button on my left toolbar leads to a shop: buy a handmade item and all proceeds go to Doctors Without Borders in Haiti. can't afford to buy right now? donate something you've made. more info at crafthope.com. the need isn't going to end (ever) and it's easy to feel defeated; but our efforts, be they ever so small, may matter too.

in my car tonight i heard these words from scott simon of npr's weekend edition:

"It's moving to hear so many stories of so many Haitians bearing up with bravery and grace, and it's impressive to see the world dispatch so much help to Haiti. Medical search-and-rescue teams have arrived from such distant and dissimilar places as Iceland, Israel, and Fairfax, Virginia. Food and medicine is being sent from as far away as China, and as close as Canada and Cuba. In fact, the Cuban government is letting U.S. medical evacuation planes, which are military aircraft, fly over Cuba to reduce travel time. Catastrophe has at least temporarily overcome animosity.

The U.N. Secretary-General, U.S. cabinet officials and prime ministers are beginning to visit, bearing pledges of aid.

But when the famous faces have gone home, the bright lights packed up, and much of the news snaps back into normalcy, Haitians will face some of their darkest, most desperate hours. The struggle to survive, to build lives with clean water, safe food, medical care, security, education, and real opportunity, will be as urgent, if not as dramatic, as rescuing people from the rubble and ruin. Haiti will still be a great human emergency. It will last a lifetime."

"my lil' bird has a lil' bird"

2010-01-09T15:04:00.000-08:00

yesterday Little walked around talking to the imaginary bird on her index finger. the bird's name is kanji, she explained. oh, and kanji has a bird named chachi. sometime during the day i also overheard a conversation between her and grandpa in which she played both parts. miss grandpa much?

i used to tell Bim i was excited to hear my girl talk to me using actual English words. could any idea be more hilarious and absurd? indeed. the reality exceeds expectations.

we're back from holiday travels and missing the snow. Little taught her classmates to make snowballs out of sand at preschool yesterday.

double sigh (one sad, one happy). we've traded the "frolic architecture of snow"* for the ever verdant scenes of southern california. Lauren stayed home with a napping Wee yesterday so i could take Little on a date to the Huntington Children's Garden. we had so much fun that Little actually levitated. (beat that, bim.)

*ralph waldo emerson

in honor of my little bird's little bird's little bird, i will send a CD of our favorite bird songs to the first 5 responders to this post. (to get you through the long, cold winter.)

Blackbird: Sarah McLachlin
Over the Rainbow: Judy Garland
Winter's Come & Gone: Elizabeth Mitchell
Little Wing: Elizabeth Mitchell
Beautiful Bluebird: Neil Young
Wake Up Little Sparrow: Lizz Wright
Mockingbird: Peter, Paul & Mary
The Littlest Birds: The Be Good Tanyas
Yardbird Suite: Charlie "Bird" Parker
Birdhouse in Your Soul: TMBG
Flightless Bird, American Mouth: Iron & Wine
Fly Me to the Moon: Diana Krall ('cause birds fly.)
Gulf Coast Highway: Nanci Griffith
Top of the World: Dixie Chicks
Songbird: Eva Cassidy
Skylark: KD Lang

not necessarily in that order.

(any other bird song suggestions?)

new year, new doorbell

2010-01-01T17:35:00.001-08:00

"kids! what's the matter with kids these days?"

2009-12-18T00:21:00.000-08:00

Little, Wee and I had the privilege of watching my nephew PJ perform in his school play today in Hollywood. his class represented the 60s in song and dance (very well). lauren threw together his costume this morning and he looked sensational.

PJ goes to school in hollywood, a stone's throw from the Kodak theatre & has a couple of famous classmates, and classmates with famous parents. fame is so weird, isn't it?

Little was oblivious to everything but the cool playground. and i mused as we walked back to our car: in 10 years, when Little is a teenager, will she appreciate that i had to steer her past Johnny Depp so that she could reach the tetherball?

christmas card outtakes

2009-12-13T21:33:00.000-08:00

{too blurry}

{too rummy}

{too smug}

{too thumby}

{too proper}

{too grand}

{too chinny}

{too bland}

{too "wicked stepsister"}

the goose is getting fat

2009-12-10T17:53:00.001-08:00

last year's glitterfest was all that i hoped it would be
{i think there are still festive particles attached to my lungs}. however, i decided to stand down this year.

by that i mean minimal materials, minimal expense. i'm not taking holiday decorating any less seriously {you're funny!}. i just thought we could do without the craft table parked in the living room all month.

a little glitter here and there, a few (4) special new ornaments, some fried chicken & waffles, a whole lot of tissue paper, and we're there. no stress, no mess. it's christmas, baby!

i was told there would be candy

2009-12-10T17:26:00.001-08:00

pretty sure i know how this is going to end.

2009-12-06T20:50:00.000-08:00

bim posted this anecdote on Facebook & i wanted to remember it:

As we drove up to Vons grocery store, Little looked at the big "VONS" sign and said, "Look Dad. 'Y' 'Zero' 'N' 'S': that's the word for 'We're gonna get some egg nog." And we did.

you can't imagine how much eggnog has been through this household already. not even a stomach virus could staunch its flow. how much eggnog can a little 3 year-old belly hold? some of us are trying not to find out.

"it's my fave'rit present i ever heard!"

2009-12-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

it happened just as i expected: Little Owly woke up 3 years old and TA DA! the mantle is upon her. it's been a glorious day so far. no whining, no screaming, no sign of 2 anywhere. nothing but please & thank you from now on.

for a morning snack (after special birthday cereal) she ate oatmeal like it was the best thing she had ever tasted in her life. probably it was, since didn't eat anything yesterday.

the decision to have a family-only party this year turns out to have been inspired. Little and i were flattened monday and tuesday with a stomach virus and wouldn't have attended any party that wasn't within running distance of the lou. how glad i was to see the color back in her cheeks this morning.

Little requested a purple birthday and we'd been planning accordingly...until i got sick. bless him, Bim carried out my plans for decorating after i went to bed {fell in a heap on the bed, to be exact}. when i woke up with Wee in the morning, i saw the living room & thought it must be my birthday. he had cleaned up our sick-day mess and added several sweet touches.

tonight there will be purple cake and purple pancakes. but no eggs {maybe ever again}.

this girl is a tiger--her words. she gave me a very tender hug just now and informed me that we are both tigers. what a charming package of traits she has: she is a fighter and a lover. her teachers at pre-school say she is usually first on the scene when her friends are sad, offering drinks of water and hugs. she is the tallest and it's very sweet to watch her put her arm around another child's neck and put her face right in their face to give comfort.

she's no fool, neither. Bim and i sometimes threaten to pinch her buns if she doesn't hurry and put her underpants on. to preempt this she now presents her little bum to us, asking for a "soft, soft pinch." still better than wearing underpants, i guess.

it seems perverse in some way to ask a 3 year-old what she wants for her birthday {welcome to materialism, baby!} but then you get answers like, "purple" and remember that you are over-thinking again. this birthday is about saying, "sure!" as much as i possibly can, and just being there with her, untied from obligations to produce something. excuse me now, as i have a hot air balloon to ride in.

a few closing words from the Birthday Girl:

lclkxklkoadakdddsk;dkdsds;[sppddsopdsdpsssssspskkkfkkf,vmvvvvvmm vvmslshshhshhshsh

= "i love you to have your birthday."

Little's song

2009-11-29T23:06:00.000-08:00

music overheard today:

"My birthday is Wednesday. But I said 'No, it's not.' But my Dad said my birthday is Wednesday. But NO, it's not!"

{proving that perception is not reality since 2006}

our day so far

2009-11-23T16:38:00.001-08:00

dear allyn,

today you sang me an awesome potty song using only the lyrics, "pee pee" and "poop." later you stripped off all your clothes and used your underpants first as a hat and then wedged between your cheeks as a tail.

scissors across the wall. scissors across the room. scissors on the rug.

two hundred seventy-five times i have been asked for "kipper the dog watch" and 275 times i have said, "is it 5 o'clock yet?" but seriously, "IS IT FIVE O'CLOCK YET?!" i came THIS close to winding all the clocks ahead.

wailing, screaming, crying, flailing, repeating.

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

marker on the wall. marker on the box i need to return. marker on your body.

right now you're sitting buck naked at a barstool pouring salt into your palm, licking it, coughing, and pouring again. no girl of mine is going to develop a goiter.

i understand why my mom sometimes locked herself in the bathroom when we were naughty. she did it so that she wouldn't hurt us. and i'm grateful. and metaphorically, i'm writing this from the bathroom. please don't hurt Liv while i'm hiding out.

we did have fun at the library today and you did so many things that made me laugh. for the most part, Liv's naps are keeping us housebound.you are using the opportunity of close quarters to test each and every limit...basically doing your job. well done, you! and if anyone is reading this, i don't want you to feel sorry for me or for her. we are both getting exactly what we need.

guess what?! it's FIVE O'CLOCK right ... NOW!

little red riding hood is in the doghouse

2009-11-23T15:24:00.001-08:00

i am told that i'm going to go in the woods and the wolf is going to eat me and the cutter one {i.e., the woodcutter} is going to save the rat {instead of me}.

can't remember what i did wrong but boy, was it wrong.

if she doesn't learn another thing

2009-11-22T21:09:00.001-08:00

at least she shares my love of tape. a joy and a bond forever.

reminds me of my second favorite New Yorker cartoon, by Sam Gross.

{here's my favorite}

and if tomorrow i'm an apple seller too

2009-11-22T20:52:00.000-08:00

i don't need anything but you.

as of tonight the apples are officially out of our house and out of our lives. it's been an experience to remember & learn from. and i am so grateful to all of you who joined in the fun.

{we made a lot of applesauce}

{and apple pie}

{and made a large delivery to the Los Angeles food bank}

{and just snacked and snacked on those tasty buggers}

there is nothing like a bountiful harvest to lead into the thanksgiving season. and yet. i declare december the month of oranges.

the {relative} peace of wild things

2009-11-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry, did you need something? i can't see you because of this giant pile of laundry.

this morning i attempted to break the cycle of laziness and gluttony that made me a less than average mom this week.
no, that's being kind. i was just a turd out there.

bim just replaced our burgled tv and we have made up for a summer without it in about two days.

i know i said a couple of posts back that halloween candy is wonderful and i stand by that. but it also slows me down considerable, and makes me stupid and squishy and sleepy. compounding the problem, Wee attempted to eat all the crayons in the house and i had to eat them myself before she could hurt herself.

a couple of weeks ago while suffering from a brief spasm of energy, i made this quick dress for Little out of fabric scraps and dishtowels. it still has a safety pin for a button and there is not now, nor will there ever be, a hem {so i guess there wasn't exactly a surfeit of energy}. she wore it asleep and awake for days and at no time during that standoff did a comb touch a hair of her head.

there have been words exchanged that i'm sure Little would like to take back. i'm sure i would {if i were her}.

which brings me to this morning. the heat seems to have broken, both literally and metaphorically. in celebration, i got up 15 minutes earlier to walk up our street alone before bim left for work. it's not ambitious, folks, but it's a start. {or a one-time thing i can look back on reverentially.} and the bomb in my brain reset to explode another day. we made it through breakfast, second breakfast, nap, second nap, a lull for self-loathing/reflection, lunch and then... {wait for it} i pulled it together and took the girls to the park. it was almost chilly. friends were there. she ran and ran and ran.

and that has made all the difference.

i hope you all have time to do a little thing that lifts you, be it ever so slightly, this week/end.
i'd love to hear about it.

threats & warnings

2009-11-02T09:30:00.001-08:00

Little to me: "I'm gonna put you in the SKY and you're gonna SIT on a CLOUD!"

that'll teach me.

oft-heard phraseology: "I! DON'T! LIKE! THOSE! CHOICES!" & "Get out of my way!" & a personal favorite, "DON'T! PINCH! MY! BONO!"

that last one may have been legit. still, does anyone have any good recommendations for toddler charm school? i would pay money to see any old lady try to put white gloves on my miss. she is...how shall i put it? AWESOME.

more looky less talky

2009-11-01T18:33:00.000-08:00

i'm more of an exhibitionist than a blogger lately. october's been a month to remember for many reasons, most notably for the passing of my grandpa clyde. it's been too big a topic to take on. until then, more pictures.

you'll wear it and you'll LIKE IT!

2009-10-31T07:30:00.000-07:00

it's not right the way i've been eating their candy. so i let a few things slide, like sneaky-secret candy eating from the jar she's not supposed to be able to reach. because i know.

halloween morning i woke early after a restless sleep. {shout} BECAUSE HALLOWEEN IS FUN!

{whisper} ...for the children.

i just can't resist hijacking this holiday. costumes are uber-fun. candy is wonderful. i know there are people out there who decorate their christmas trees on christmas eve and buy candy on halloween day. fine for them. i start planning costumes in march. or even, november. i try to use materials i already have around the house. the only purchase i had to make was a men's shirt with a medical logo, from Goodwill. i cut it down to sew a lab coat for Little.

but this morning, after being jangled awake by my ticking brain, i began to mentally prepare myself for the worst: i'm on my way to a chain store to buy a costume {ew} for a little girl who decided she didn't care for the TWO her mama made for her. she wants to be a scaaaaary dinosaur. curse the library and its cursed books teaching my kid to choose her own costume!

at least it won't be hard to "get" her costume. "what is she, doctor frankenstein? a mad scientist? einstein? gene wilder?" yes. all of those. my favorite was the year i went to a party dressed as hester prynne; 3 people thought i was the first letter of the alphabet.

okay, gotta go...before the dinosaurs are all gone. happy halloween!

hot patch

2009-10-17T19:47:00.001-07:00

{narration to follow...}

oktoberpost

2009-10-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

ja! und das ist die *zehr gut* oktoberpost mit meine schonste kinder fotos

das baby canst nicht crawl.

sie hast eine new room.

aber das elder swester ist nicht happy about it.

aber das ist too bad.

schnazzynewshoeswearen.

"ich habe der tiny toes begotten"

das oktober general conference ist die best time fur kristmascraftsmachen mit lauren.

und die pumpkin chokolatetreatsmachen mit PJ.

und die scary van gogh hauntedkastlepicturemachen.

ach! der elder swester hast nicht das glittersharen.

see, world? sea world.

2009-10-11T20:31:00.001-07:00

glad i didn't major in psychology

2009-09-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

the last rose of summer

2009-09-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

i know. i do it every year: jump the gun on autumn. but yesterday, yesterday, yesterday...i could see it happening. and even though we're back to summertime weather today, the secret's out and it can't be put back.

Little: "look! clouds, mama!"

"I love the way

The tattered clouds
Go wind across the sky

As summer goes
And leave me
With a tear in my eye

...I'm taking out my winter clothes..."

- tom waits

{see ya, summer}