come sunday, it'll be all right

"i spent [5] lonely days in a brown L.A. haze and i just want [him] back by my siiiiiiide...." -jimmy buffett

hubs left me again. but he came back. he always comes back. i didn't blog about it because, hello, this is a public site and any of you crazy people could come find me. yeah, people who are related to me, i'm talking to you. don't think i'm not afraid of your brain-fevered plots now that i know most of you are up at all hours.

for the record, hubs was worried i couldn't handle two children on my own. and also let the record show that i can. for exactly 5 days and not one hour more.

when changing Little's diaper i find it useful to refer often to the kubler-ross stages of grief, which are suprisingly relevant:

1. denial (me: did you poop? Little: no)

2. anger (hers, mostly, because i have such a good nose. but really, you'd hardly need one)

3. bargaining (will bribery with food resign my girl to a lifetime of weight obsession? more importantly, will it increase the number of poopy diapers i have to change?)

4. depression

5. acceptance (such as it is. i usually have to straddle her and have all four limbs firmly pinned to the ground before she gives in. and suddenly she acts like we're friends)

single parents, please put me on your speed dial, because i am ready and willing to come to your house and help you any day of the week.

together again. i can't stop smiling.

funniest baby ever?

good news. Little likes Wee. and, oddly, has the same reaction as i do whenever she gets close to her: fits of giggles. i'll post a video when i have time.

she doesn't even seem to mind that i have to spend so much time holding the usurper (like the shrutes, i apparently produce very thirsty babies). i do a lot of thinking during this time. in the "Wee" hours when the rest of you people are sleeping and resting your brains, i am exercising* mine. jealous?

this is the time when i listen to my ipod, read books, and consider such mysteries of the universe as, is it still hip to be square? was it ever? (not, as i remember it, during the time when people actually knew that song. but maybe more so now. was huey some kind of prophet? is that why his band was called the news?)

*i use this term very loosely

here are some pictures so my sister doesn't hurt me. click to enlarge.

how many times have i been told, "enjoy it! they grow so fast!"? many. and i actually thought Little grew really slowly. i was always anxious for the next stage. not so this time. i could live these days over at least a dozen times and not get bored. it's like watching a plant grow in fast-forward on the discovery channel: i can actually see her bones lengthening. her fingernails were paper and now they're wax. her skin that was translucent is opaque. her eyelids are widening. i stare and stare but i can't stop it. she is swiftly, inevitably, becoming a part of this world.

"how strange and fine to get so near to it"

Liv Josephine, 8 lbs. 1 oz., 21.25"
born jan 29, 2009

"The arches of her feet are like voices
of children calling in the grove of lemon trees,
where my heart is as helpless as crushed birds."

-from "Finding Something" by jack gilbert

it's so hard to capture the magnitude of wee. the camera adds 10 weeks. this is really a small, small creature. and the next person who tells me that 8 lbs. is a big baby is going to get "the look" from me. seriously.


and now, some notes on birthing: how easy is it now?! oh, my. i went in for my regular checkup and the doc's like, how come you're still pregnant and i'm like, wish i knew, and she's like, want to have this baby today? because you're already 3 cm anyway, and i'm like, let me think, YES! and she's like, head on over to the hospital and an hour later, there i am sucking on a popsicle, having like, 6 packs of sweet jello and getting needles driven into my arms.

if anyone cares for the longer version, i'll add more later, but the short goes like this: in at noon, pitocin at 2, epidural at 4:30, baby at 7:30. with this important detail: Wee was born within about 5 minutes of the doc entering the room. NICE. the rest of the day is all about me trying to move my right leg and find a way to bust out of the hospital. the best i could do was smolder from my adjustable bed (vrrrrr, up, vrrrrr, down) and send Wee my best care-bear stare from across the room.

but now we're home, being taken care of by my dad and natalie.

and i give in. i have submitted completely to pink. i am surprised by how good it feels. (the banner on the mantle is a decoration from my killer baby shower, thrown by super-shower stylists melissa and dana*) i guess i'm just feeling a post-birth blush of happiness.

here i am glowing with gratitude as the awesome nurse drones endlessly on with a redundant list of mothering tips (sarcastic about the list, serious about the awesome nurse. all the nurses were stellar ladies, especially considering the kind of gross parts of their job that they perform cheerfully. special shout-out to marlene, our first night nurse, whom i will probably never forget).
hospital policy required us to stay for 48 HOURS after the birth so Wee could be "observed." OBSERVE THIS: me giving a nutter** to the next person who knocks politely and then barges into our room to perform some further indignity on my body, or Wee's.

*a really lovely evening, of which i have NO PICTURES because i am a lame-o and did not think about my camera once until the next morning.

**new term i learned, describing a tactic whereby i grab said person by the shoulders and smash our heads together like a couple of summer melons.