attaché

i am not one to buy a parenting philosophy wholesale, so to speak. as much as i like cheap tricks and one-size-fits-all, these things are best applied to hats, no?

that said, i have spent the last two weeks absorbed by the research and practical advice of a certain neuro-psychologist who specializes in teaching discipline to children.

fascinated like me? you might be if you'd heard her talk about the brain. i thought i would write down a couple of her key points before i forget.

:: the single most important factor in a child's success is secure attachment to the parent(s).

:: secure attachment {confidence in the relationship and onesself} is created by emotional responsiveness.

when a child is reassured emotionally by loved ones, the child thrives. not finding that reassurance, the child feels shame. fascinating, no? validation is a simple enough thing to offer and it turns out to be what we all need & crave, as children and as adults.

of course, even children raised in less than ideal circumstances can succeed. but think of all the baggage we can spare our children if we meet their excitement with enthusiasm, and their despair with comfort.

the message of emotional responsiveness is, i respect your ability to make decisions for yourself. i trust that you can find a way. i know it's hard sometimes. this kind of connection looks like help, not defeat--like the possibility of security in an otherwise confusing and frightening world.

that, and it feels good.