"i believe i did what honor dictated, and that belief sustains me. except for a slight desire to be dead, which i'm sure will pass."
-marlon brando as fletcher christian, mutiny on the bounty
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i don't like having to explain myself. it gives me a pain in my stomach. the more personal or inflammatory the subject, the less i enjoy the sound of my own opinion. on small, unimportant subjects i could talk forever. normal, right?
sometimes i get forced into a corner and keeping quiet would be a kind of giving in, so i open my mouth--and almost invariably regret it. i really have no interest in changing someone else's opinion. i like different opinions. so wouldn't a firm policy of cowardice be more livable?
this is where i should give specifics, but i'm not going to. i just want to know how you other people deal with the anxiety of openness.
when you believe in something, do you speak up? when? what if it would cost you peace of mind, or make you misunderstood, or end a friendship?
WELL??!!
13 comments:
I probably don't have to tell you that I almost always speak up. Not out of any fraternal desire to persuade or reach consensus.
Just because, according to someone whose friendship I no longer enjoy (for this very reason), I'm the angriest person ever.
Some principles are probably more important than some friendships. But I'll be d____d if I can tell which ones. I basically just fire away. (Next week I'm moving into a van down by the river.)
I open my mouth about everything, all the time. Additionally, it seems that the less important the issue and the more people don't care about my opinion, the more likely I am to express it. I am even expressing my opinion right now.
I think it has something to do with being hyper-self-centered.
There is no easy answer to this very difficult question. That is what makes it so frustrating. It is a judgment call.
I feel (but usually don't behave accordingly) that we all have a responsibility to strengthen the connections that bind us together. However, I don't think it is our body of opinion that should determine who we unite with. Nor do I think it should stand in our way. I think all people can agree on general principles like treating each other well and taking care of those in need. It tends to be our opinions on details that get us into trouble.
Like Barack said (paraphrased) we need to understand that just because we think different things does not mean we care any less.
Maybe it is best to share your opinion after making your best attempts to understand where the "opposing" side is coming from. Then add those parts of your perspective that can enrich the conversation.
Too much of what I say I say from an island with high walls. No ideas in, just outgoing barrage of my opinion. This tends to make people react in similar measure, and there is no bond formed, no common understanding, no enlightenment. Being a fairly average person in many respects, I tend to think that this is probably the case for many, if not most, people.
Communicating is far more difficult than speaking. But it also provides greater dividends.
this morning i went to my computer to take down this post because it interferes with the usual lightness and frivolity of this blog...but i'm glad i didn't. thanks for coming through for me, brothers. you guys are wicked smaht.
now say something funny.
I usually am fairly quiet unless I feel really strongly about something, but even then it depends on who I am talking to. I disagree on most things political with my father. So, very seldom do I open my mouth and spew forth my opinion, as I know it will not make any difference and will only make a rift between us. I do, however, give my opinion whenever asked as I feel they are getting what they asked for and I hold nothing back. I am not afraid to rock the boat when I feel it is what I should do. I am a bit of a coward though, as I usually don't voice my opinion unless I am comfortable with the people I am around and not worried that they will judge me. But, fortunately for me, I have a husband with no fear so I usually just sit back and let him fire away unless I feel there is something he missed and then I chime in. :)
I run along the same lines as Meg. I'll usually speak my opinion with people I'm comfortable with, but I have this irritating unease with confrontation and I have a very hard time leaving things in disarray.
I don't like leaving a situation unsettled, but it's something about my personality I'm not fond of. Before I die I intend to be a person that speaks their mind with no remorse.
side note: i just rented Smart People and enjoyed it very much.
i have virtually ended friendships by going on rants about the importance of social welfare programs and affirmative action. i have since calmed down a bit, but jeff still has to pat my shoulder occasionally and remind me to calm down! sometimes you just have to say something and no amount of self-control will stop it. a summation: i feel your pain.
I told the lady at the old person equipment store off yesterday. I love and hate that pounding heart beat and flushed feeling I get after telling someone off.
There have been times I've regretted it, but not this time. She was mean to the lady before me and downright snotty to Sean and I. She wasn't going to let us return the RENTED oxygen tanks without a doctor's note. Who ever heard of such a thing.
Take that evil-old-people-supply lady!
It's okay, you can just tell me, I promise I won't put a bag of flaming poo on your porch. But that's because I don't live near you. Oh you weren't talking about me? We the flaming poo might be a way to express your opinion...
thanks, guys! your words gave me courage today and i spoke up in front of the whole ward AND nobody hit me with flaming poo. it was a good experience to balance out past bad experiences.
anyone else have a comment? i have liked this discussion. it was empowering to me.
I remain silent. Always. I'm a coward. If I do speak I become shocked when I'm questioned.
And I get rattled when I don't have time to think, and then I tend to loose my sense of speach and can't explain my thoughts.
And then I turn into a zombie that has to agree with everyone else because I don't want to be disliked. Like in middle school. If I keep quiet = people will like me.
I still haven't figured out if my strategy works. Hmmm...
I've tried it both ways and nobody likes me anyway. So I just stay quiet now, 'specially here in YouTa.
Cowardly lion speaking here. A few weeks ago, a few young boys came through my line at work, and were swearing like sailors, and the I was pretty busy helping the few people in front of them, so I tried ignoring it. Then a few seconds later the boys were next in line, and continuing with their language, and a lady had walked up behind them and told them they better knock it off. They asked her why? And the lady said because there are kids in the store and you just don't do that. Meanwhile I am ringing up their few purchases and taking their money, and sort of nodding in agreement. But then, the one boy said, well maybe when you are my mom then I will listen to you! Then they pretty much walked off. I was in such shock, I couldn't open my mouth. I had been just a second away from telling them to stop, just before the lady did, but did I? NO! Then when they left, me and the lady were having a discussion about how badly they needed to be beaten!!
Also a guy asked me when I was due, last december, and I just told him, not for a long time!!! What is wrong with me? He was even in the store tonight. I wonder if he remembers saying that to me, and feels bad. Well, he should. But he probably doesn't. Sorry, let's see what having a 10 lb. and a 9 lb. baby does to your stomach bud!
As far as politics go, I am trying to get better educated, so I will have something to say. I would never talk to much in front of my dad either (meg). He is too intimidating. If I remember right you and your fam are mostly blue, and I guess I'm a red person. WHO KNOWS?
I did tell one bagger boy off once for saying that I was a bad mom for letting Logan fly on an airplane to see my mom for a week last summer. I just couldn't take it anymore, when he was insulting my parenting. We are still friends now though, so I guess it can be okay to tell someone off. I definitely had the heart racing and sweating going on. I decided I don't like that. I guess that's why I am the cowardly lion.
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