The List of Famous Hats -by James Tate | | |
| Napoleon's hat is an obvious choice I guess to list as a famous hat, but that's not the hat I have in mind. That was his hat for show. I am thinking of his private bathing cap, which in all honesty wasn't much different than the one any jerk might buy at a corner drugstore now, except for two minor eccentricities. The first one isn't even funny: Simply it was a white rubber bathing cap, but too small. Napoleon led such a hectic life ever since his childhood, even farther back than that, that he never had a chance to buy a new bathing cap and still as a grown-up--well, he didn't really grow that much, but his head did: He was a pinhead at birth, and he used, until his death really, the same little tiny bathing cap that he was born in, and this meant that later it was very painful to him and gave him many headaches, as if he needed more. So, he had to vaseline his skull like crazy to even get the thing on. The second eccentricity was that it was a tricorn bathing cap. Scholars like to make a lot out of this, and it would be easy to do. My theory is simple-minded to be sure: that beneath his public head there was another head and it was a pyramid or something. | ||
5 comments:
Ruby and Max had a great time; thanks for taking care of them for us!
Dear Madame - I wish to inquire further into the matter of the tricorn bathing cap mentioned in your article of 16 May. I will soon be taking up swimming as a healthy practice for women of my advanced age. However, it has become apparent that, in order to pursue this activity, I must first find a way to protect the artificially-colored locks I wear upon my head. It is this head about which I am most perplexed. Its shape is somewhat unusual, like a pyramid or something. My question is this: Have you a recommendation as to where I might find a cap that would a) fit my head, and b) protect my curls? If not, perhaps the daily application of vaseline sans the cap would suffice.
It is with utmost confidence in, and admiration of, your expertise in these and other matters that I remain,
Your favorite aunt,
Nicea
(or, so as not to offend:
Your Favorite Aunt Nicea.)
P.S. Referencing your article of 15 May: Do not go so far as to assume incontinence or dementia--yet. You may, however, wish to consider no more laughing/walking/sitting/talking/breathing/sleeping on a full bladder, and having children. Both are detrimental to your physical and mental health.
N.
P.S. I have been outside to water the grass since posting my previous comment. It occurred to me during the watering that perhaps the shape of my head is the reason I cannot figure out the solutions to Mr. Dandelion's word games. Or perhaps it's because I've been using vaseline on my lips instead of on my hair. I doubt Napoleon could have solved the puzzles either, even with his public head on.
nicea, you are a very funny girl! but also wise to ask me about swim caps. i am in the know. whilst in miami i visited many swim shops in search of the right head wrap. in one i finally found some lovely, if large, flower-molded caps complete with chin straps. you don't want those, the salesgirl told me; they're for old ladies who want to keep their hair dry...
is this not the point of swim caps? it's not like i was looking for something to reduce drag during my olympic qualifiers.
still, her point is one to consider. the young apparently choose speedo. vaseline if you must. we all know it is better to look good than to feel good.
Then I must go with the speedo, if for no other reason than to create the dual illusions of youth and speed. Oh, but I would so love a chin strap.
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