for serious

yesterday my new bishop asked me if i wear a bikini at the beach.

come again?

the only way i could have been more surprised is if he had then turned to bim and asked him if he wears a speedo (which he does)* or if he had followed the question with a wink (which he didn't). the bishop wanted to know if i was worthy to work with the ward's young women.

i had to laugh. then i said, no, i don't wear a bikini. but what i wish i had said is: i am far from perfect--no matter what your standard of perfection may be--and in past callings with the young women i have had serious doubts about my fitness to lead them. why not say that? probably because i didn't want to make trouble. i want this calling.

becoming privy to the considerable and often heartbreaking challenges my yw faced in miami was pretty shattering. i lost a lot of sleep wondering how on earth my set of experiences could translate to anything like helpful advice for disadvantaged teenagers with little concept of what a better life would look like. what should i counsel a yw to do, for example, when her father scars her arms and threatens to deport her? how could i point her toward the scriptures when she can't even read? what do i say to a yw whose parents cut her off from every opportunity to leave her squalid home and improve her condition? or teach a lesson on modesty to a girl whose parents utterly ignore her and whose only chance at affection seems (to her) to come from the drop-out neighbor kid five years older than she is?

i became a lot less concerned about sleeveless dresses and a lot more concerned about what a yw's dress and conduct says about her image of the ideal woman. for girls this age, being "sexy" = being somebody. npr had a story about a historian who read young girls' journals over the last century. She found that whereas our grandmothers valued doing good, our daughters value looking good.

i don't know where to go with this. maybe brilliance and wisdom will distill on me in the night. not too likely, as it hasn't happened yet, but i keep hoping...

all i can say is that small improvements can feel like miracles. pray for more of those.

(*no he doesn't.)