Thursday, September 11, 2008

homeland insecurity

does anyone else find "a general risk of terrorist attacks" kind of funny?

maybe i'm feeling less threatened by terrorists because my house is under attack by more menacing foes.

like appendicitis! bim got it. and today the mighty scrubs got his appendix. who won? and does this make hubs less manly? i think not. the appendix is apparently a wimpy, do-nothing body part. having it cut out actually makes hubs more powerful: he no longer has to divert precious resources to maintain a fleshy innard that refuses to pull its own weight. resources that could be channeled toward taking out the garbage and various lawyerly duties.

#1 lesson learned: don't stand back and let hubs take tylenol for level SEVEN pain that keeps him up all night, chucking every 45 minutes. after all, why did god give me feet if not to put them down? and why did he create the ER if not to keep people sitting under fluorescent lights all night clutching their sucking wounds? poor little cowboy.

#2 lesson learned: if you think there might be a black widow spider in your baby's toy car, check it. i noticed a web in Little's car, which we keep in the garage, and brushed it away. webs are pretty common around here. but as she was climbing inside i got suspicious and turned it over to check for stowaways. i'm not against spiders as a species (live and let live, eh?), but this one chilled me to the bone. i know it was a black widow spider because it was too small to be a regular widow, and i have done my research. don't worry. it's good and dead.

#3 lesson learned: move close to awesome people who cheerfully care for your Little all afternoon, with 2 minutes notice. THANK YOU, DANA!

so, today was a big day here at the ranch. here's the final tally:

:: husbands spared to fight evil another day: 1

:: diseased organs vanquished: 1

:: brothers-in-law turned another year hipper: 1 (party on, eric!)

:: venomous black widow spiders pulverized: 1

:: healthy toddlers still delightfully oblivious to danger: 1

:: wives/mommies doing the happy dance: 2 (i counted me twice)

8 comments:

Meg said...

Yuck! We got a notice a month ago that it is black widow season and to be on the look out. I am like Lauren and completely terrified of spiders and do all in power to keep them away from my family and our dwelling. Good mommy instincts K! Tell Bim we hope he feels better.

dana said...

Someone as cheerful and fun as Little is always welcome at our house! It actually makes my life easier to see Lucy jumping up and down with a curly-haired peer.

richard dandelion said...

Good thoughts to Bim!

annie said...

my roommates and i used to have a comic on our fridge showing a teacher telling her elementary school class to "take out their homeland-security-level-orange-alert crayon and draw a terrorist hiding somewhere in their house."

poor bim
poor spider
speaking of spiders...charlotte is a great girl name, too.

back to work...

Jacks said...

Wow - that is enough excitement to start your own soap opera. I could even hear the underscored music as the tale of the spider came to a climax.

Add 1 friend to happy dance tally as well.

Take care Bim.

Shawn said...

If Bim misses his "fleshy innards" I could donate some of mine--the stuff right below my belly button. Hope he's feeling well. And...I HATE SPIDERS--I'm so glad Little didn't get bit.

Nicea said...

I'm sorry the old appendix took you out, Bim. Feel better soon! While you mustn't EVER let the garbage pile up, you CAN let lawyerly duties slide---they just don't think they can. :>)

Krista, sounds to me like it's not just the hockey moms who are capable of pit bull behavior. Look out, creepy crawlies! Ew! Shudder x2.

Man Child said...

Bim, sorry about the appendix. We all did a care-bear-stare for you. Hope it helped.